Understanding Grief
Grief is a universal experience, yet so deeply personal. We all experientially understand grief, and yet we often feel entirely alone in our grief. You may have experienced it as a weight pressing on your chest, a tearful emptiness, a fog you can’t escape, or even a restless or frenetic energy that you can’t quite name. While society often expects grief to follow a neat timeline, in reality, grief moves in waves; it is frequently amorphous, shifting the rhythms of your life, your relationships, and your inner world.
You already know this, but I’m going to say it again: grief is not a sign of weakness. It is a natural response to loss — whether that loss is the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, estrangement from people you love, or even a change in your life circumstances that leaves you feeling unmoored. Your emotions are valid, and your body is remembering what really matters. Notice any tendency to apologize or feel shame for your experience; notice any tendency to want someone else to be done grieving. We’re trained in this society to push down and rush our grief.
Grief is More Than Sadness
Many people assume grief is synonymous with sadness, but it is far more complex. You may notice anger, guilt, confusion, relief, or numbness. These emotions can appear suddenly or linger for months, and often they arrive in cycles that feel unpredictable. This variability is normal — grief is not on our schedule.
Grief involves emotional, cognitive, physical, spiritual, relational, and behavioral responses. Your body may experience tightness, fatigue, or changes in appetite and sleep. Your thoughts may feel scattered or preoccupied with “what ifs.” Your deepest beliefs may change, and your behaviors — like withdrawing from social life or avoiding reminders of your loss — are natural attempts to quiet the overwhelm and cope.
The Misconception of “Getting Over It”
One of our most persistent collective beliefs is that grief should be “over” after a specific period. In truth, grief is not something we finish; it’s an experience we integrate over time. As you live with grief, it may become less raw and more manageable, but it rarely disappears completely. You learn to carry it, to form yourself around it, rather than to shed it entirely.
It can be helpful to think of grief as a process of transformation. Just as seasons change in nature, your grief will move through cycles of intensity. You may slowly find that you feel a renewal of your life-force and have a new vision for what’s possible. Allowing yourself to feel grief fully, without judgment, can create more space for healing and new meaning.
Grief is Unique to You
No two experiences of grief are identical. Your relationship to the person, animal, or situation you’ve lost, your personal coping strategies, your culture, and your past experiences all shape how grief manifests. Comparing your process to others’ can be helpful if it helps you feel less alone, but remember to honor your own journey through this process.
When to Seek Support
While grief is natural and purposeful, it can sometimes become overwhelming. Signs that therapy may help include:
Persistent sadness or numbness that affects daily functioning
Intense anxiety, panic, or intrusive thoughts related to the loss
Difficulty sleeping, eating, or engaging in daily life (especially for prolonged periods of time)
Strained relationships or social withdrawal
Therapy provides a safe space to explore your emotions, understand patterns, and develop strategies to engage with your grief that work for you. It can help you navigate the unpredictability of grief while honoring your experience.
Practical Steps You Can Take Today
Even small actions can make a meaningful difference:
Permit yourself to feel without judgment
Reach out to a trusted friend or support network
Keep a journal or creative outlet for expressing your emotions— this doesn’t need to be tidy— let this be a space where you’re free to feel anything
Practice grounding exercises — like mindful breathing or time in the outside, natural world — to help regulate your body’s responses
These steps are not about “fixing” grief, but about creating more spacious ways to be with it.
If you’re grieving and feel lost, therapy can help you find steady ground and compassionate support. Together, we can explore your emotions, honor your experiences, and help you move with and through grief in ways that feel authentic and healing.
Amanda Feaver, MA, LPC, is a grief therapist based in Portland, Oregon, and licensed in both Oregon and Washington. She helps individuals navigate loss, change, and transformation through compassionate and holistic therapy.