Complicated Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss, yet it can show up in ways that feel unexpected or overwhelming. That’s all really normal. Complicated grief is a term we use to describe grief that doesn’t shift much over time. We’re not talking days or months here, but months and years. If you’re experiencing complicated grief, you might find yourself thinking, “Why can’t I move on?” or “I feel like I’m stuck in this sadness forever.” These thoughts and feelings can be confusing and isolating, but understanding more about complicated grief can help you make sense of your experience.
Grief
Grief is intense, fluctuating, and deeply felt, but it usually follows a gradual trajectory toward adaptation. You may experience:
Waves of sadness or longing
Anger, guilt, anxiety, fogginess, confusion, or any other intense emotion
Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy
Moments of relief, laughter, or even joy
Over time, grief tends to become less overwhelming. Life begins to feel more manageable, and you can carry the loss alongside the rest of your experiences. It doesn’t mean you forget the person or situation you’ve lost; it means your heart and mind are gradually finding a way to integrate the absence into daily life.
Complicated Grief
Complicated grief, sometimes called prolonged grief disorder, can feel like grief that has become “stuck.” You may notice:
Persistent, intense longing or preoccupation with the loss
Difficulty accepting the reality of the death or change
Emotional numbness or extreme distress that interferes with daily functioning
Trouble engaging with others or finding joy in previously meaningful activities
Self-blame, guilt, or feelings of emptiness that don’t shift or ease over time
Avoidance of reminders of the loss
Clinically, complicated grief is recognized when these intense symptoms continue beyond a typical period (usually six months or longer — although every situation is different) and significantly impair your ability to live fully. But even before it reaches that threshold, noticing these patterns may signal that extra support could be beneficial.
Why Complicated Grief Happens
Complicated grief doesn’t happen because you’re weak or “not grieving correctly.” It often arises when:
The loss is sudden, unexpected, or traumatic
Relationships were complicated or unresolved
You’ve experienced multiple losses at once
You lack adequate social or emotional support
Other challenges, such as past trauma, depression, or anxiety, intersect with your grief
Recognizing these factors can reduce self-blame and help you approach your healing with clarity and compassion.
Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a safe space to:
Explore your emotions without judgment
Process unresolved or traumatic elements of your loss
Develop coping strategies tailored to your needs
Integrate grief into your life in ways that feel manageable and meaningful
Working with a grief therapist doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re choosing to navigate your loss with companionship, guidance, and compassion. Healing creates space to integrate the memory of who or what you’ve lost while reclaiming your life.
Practical Steps to Support Yourself
Even if you’re unsure about therapy right now, small steps can help:
Journal your thoughts and feelings, even when they’re confusing
Seek support from friends, family, or grief groups
Allow yourself rituals or moments that honor your loss
Practice grounding or mindfulness exercises (mindfulness is just paying attention to what is happening right now, in the present moment) to help regulate intense emotions
These practices are about staying present with your grief safely and gently.
If your grief feels persistent, confusing, or overwhelming, therapy can provide the support you need to move through it with compassion and understanding.
Amanda Feaver is a grief therapist based in Portland, Oregon, and licensed in both Oregon and Washington. She helps individuals, couples, and communities navigate loss, change, and transformation.